2005 International British Open Minigolf Tournament

Hastings,  September 10-11 2005

Another September weekend, Clambers looking well-groomed and innocent, bushes cut back, greens re-laid, blown, swept and dusted. No places for any demons to hide and lure your ball off track in the 2005 British Open. Ha!!

A strong international field in contention: Italian, German, Czech, and Finnish teams had been practising for days, supplemented at the last minute by a gang of New Zealanders from London, who were surprised you were allowed to try the course at all prior to the competition.

Sadly there were some big UK names and personalities missing, but still a strong showing. After the customary delay, we’re assigned uncannily to our most feared hole for the shotgun start. Some would have welcomed a shotgun at the finish too. Andre Kuhn was devastated at witnessing Steve Gow’s 33, (shame you hit the bridge Steve!) but kicking his bag into the bushes didn’t change his 38. Rocky Bullin failed to live up to a promising 43, shot in the Player’s Championship the day before: clearly affected by out of sorts playing partner Tim Ace Man Davies. Indeed, by the 15^th, Ace Man could be heard cheerfully chatting away as if on a family day out. The Bullins, who actually were on a family day out, limited themselves to balefully glowering at one another throughout the weekend.

Italian Mirko Caselin shared Steve’s 33 in the top group as we set off again, with Mirko’s team mate Carlo Consonni and Brad Shepherd breathing down their necks at 34. Chris (Who?) Harding consistent as since, oh, way back last year, also turned in a sub 70 two-round total, while Steve threw it all away with a gross 44. John ‘Big Top’ Ted McIver woke up and started playing – too late for a chance in the super final.

Italian teamwork was paying off, with all 5 well up in the draw. “The other Finn”, Toni, was also nicely poised, one shot ahead of the expostulating Kuhn. But it was the chain-smoking Finn Jouni who topped the leader board at the close of play with 67.

Ace man crashed under the cut after listening to teammate Ruth’s idiosyncratic advice on the 5^th, and what’s worse, acting on it. But Zombie like he rose, fighting his way back into the competition and shooting a more characteristic 33 before lying down and drawing the lid back over … for now. Ruth meanwhile was wondering how to thank the stereotypically cheerful New Zealanders who by nobly filling up the bottom of the draw, had given her another day’s play. What’s more, she could only go one way from the bottom of the board, as she gibbered to anyone stationary.  But team NZ had trooped off in their matching shirts, swinging their arms and singing their way to the train station.

Day Two:

Jam
Message:	Anybody got any tips for Clambers? I’ve only played the course once but as I’m arriving Friday afternoon will lack practice before the players championships.

Author:	Ace Man
Message:	Tip: You must play the course a number of times.

Yeah, well, three times would seem optimal, looking at Jam’s 33 on the Sunday morning. The novice prize was totally secure: despite Jam’s best efforts, he failed to pass his lead to Midlands Champion John Moore. 13 shots were just too many to give away, though it was like watching ‘loser’s chess’ seeing him try.

Scores improved on Day 2, loads of sub 36 rounds and a record (should’ve been!!) 29 from Italian Marco Del Bianco: 7 aces and ‘no passes’, impeccably accomplished – bravura!

Ruth was inspired to her best round of the tournament, 36, just enough to take the gold for the women, one shot ahead of playing partner and Carlo’s team mate Sabrina Andreaula. Czech prodigy Olivia Prokopova had her best round to clinch third. Would the UK men also beat off the international competition?

In short, er, No. Best Brit was Who Harding, coming in at fifth with an admirably consistent set of scores. How Ted McIver was just one place behind him I do not know, but he drew with Keith Kellard and held off Brad Shepherd and Peter Parr who were the other top UK players.

So, a totally overseas Super final: both Finns, Italian Mirko and the German Andre Kuhn who had clawed his way up through sheer bullying of the ball; his many aces signalled by rain forest calls echoing through the greenery. The knowing crowd gathered and were duly impressed by Mirko’s acing of the first to start the Super final.

Steady play up the eighth, but possibly the fact that the other three players had all carded at least one ace had its effect on the volcanic Kuhn. Having executed an alarming side splits merely to pick up his ball on the seventh, he seemed to convert his club to a majorette’s baton as he tee’d off on the eighth, twirling it flamboyantly and hitting the ball sideways for a four. At the ninth he continued the leftwards theme and hit the (wrong) rock. However, this seemed to settle him and the rest of his round was uneventful apart from a glorious ace on the 13^th. But the damage was done: Andre’s worst score of the tournament (39 – only dreamed of by most of us!) resulted.

Mirko recovered from a see saw nightmare on the ninth (if only he’d asked Ace Man the line) to be the only player to ace the tenth. Jouni was in danger of smouldering the ground with his glance as his ball rolled back from this (almost imperceptibly) modified hole, but at least it was not in the ditch. Then the players disappear from mortal view for a few holes and the innocent scorer is besieged as they reappear for the drama of the 15^th. Jouni finds himself in an unfamiliar corner. Continuing to give the impression of chain-smoking throughout, he wanders around, feeling the ground, looking this way and that, until (I’m sure I saw this) he grinds out three dog ends simultaneously on the green and remembers why he’s there, casually sinking the mile long putt.

Mirko has eased his way into second place. Toni for some reason seems to have given up. Possibly the necessity of lifting his sunglasses for the homeward nine has upset his style but he starts impatiently whacking his shots around – and seems bitterly disappointed when they all unerringly plop in the holes.

But the cup goes to team mate Jouni, leader since the second round, who held his nerve and his implacable facial expression to receive the well-deserved cup. Yes, CUP, Jouni, pick it up for the photo!!

Thanks to the owners and organisers and Ted Skelton for all his work on the course and his professionalism throughout the year.

See you in Stratford!!

 Words: Ruth Bullin  Photos: Peter Parr

1	Valkjärvi, Jouni	FIN	35	32	33	35	32	167	33.40
2	Caselin, Mirko	ITA	33	36	32	37	34	172	34.40
3	Rantala, Toni	FIN	38	34	35	31	37	175	35.00
4	Kuhn, Andre	GER	38	35	32	33	39	177	35.40
5	Dibernardi, Antonio	ITA	38	34	35	33		140	35.00
6	Harding, Chris	GBR	35	33	37	36		141	35.25
7	McIver, John	GBR	41	34	35	35		145	36.25
8	Consonni, Carlo	ITA	34	37	36	38		145	36.25
9	Kellard, Keith	GBR	35	37	36	37		145	36.25
10	Del Bianco, Marco	ITA	41	38	38	29		146	36.50
11	Shepherd, Brad	GBR	34	35	39	38		146	36.50
12	Parr, Peter	GBR	38	37	38	34		147	36.75
13	Poser, Stefan	GER	40	38	35	36		149	37.25
14	Bullin, Ruth	GBR	40	42	37	36		155	38.75
15	Andreaula, Sabrina	ITA	38	36	44	38		156	39.00
16	Trubridge, James	GBR	43	37	33	46		159	39.75
17	Prokopova, Olivia	CZE	41	40	40	39		160	40.00
18	Tannhaeuser, Sabine	GER	38	43	36	44		161	40.25
19	Moore, Paul	GBR	40	41	43	37		161	40.25
20	Gow, Steve	GBR	33	44	38	48		163	40.75
21	Moore, John	GBR	40	41	45	40		166	41.50
22	Prokopova, Libuse	CZE	40	42	41	45		168	42.00
23	Davies, Tim	GBR	40	43	33	39		155	38.75
24	Bullin, Bill	GBR	46	39	38	36		159	39.75
25	Angel, Jon	GBR	36	40				76	38.00
26	Bender, Lionel	GBR	38	41				79	39.50
27	Deadman, Kevin	GBR	43	40				83	41.50
28	Dent, Russ	GBR	43	44				87	43.50
29	Keal, Nigel	GBR	49	40				89	44.50
30	Sleight, Ian	GBR	47	42				89	44.50
31	Jones, Sam	NZL	53	40				93	46.50
32	Bowen, Geoff	GBR	48	45				93	46.50
33	Thomas, Ryan	GBR	48	45				93	46.50
34	Harper, Roy	GBR	45	48				93	46.50
35	Bullin, Rocky	GBR	45	49				94	47.00
36	Smith, Adam	GBR	48	46				94	47.00
37	Brookshaw, Terry	GBR	53	42				95	47.50
38	Payne, Steven	GBR	51	45				96	48.00
39	Oliver, Simon	GBR	46	50				96	48.00
40	Peet, Phil	NZL	50	48				98	49.00
41	Hopkins, Azriel	NZL	44	55				99	49.50
42	Thomes, Andrew	GBR	48	58				106	53.00
43	Penfound, Richard	GBR	52	54				106	53.00
44	Jones, Joel	NZL	54	56				110	55.00
45	Bayler, Scott	NZL	56	60				116	58.00